http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/en-EUMokoFeed10http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/http://data5.blog.de/design/preview/3e/2cc2cb0ff28be349f7c9d07ebd01a4_160x200.jpghttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/10/04/a-very-lazy-boy-7097364/tag:robinhutton.blog.co.uk,2009-10-04:/2009/10/04/a-very-lazy-boy-7097364/Sun, 04 Oct 2009 18:09:09 +0200 <p>Two months again since I wrote my last blog entry! It doesn't seem that long. This is an extreme demonstration of my utter laziness. Give me a Top Gear re-run on Dave, a savoury muffin with cream cheese and a large mug of tea and I'm happy to the point of sedation.<br> So what's been happening with me you ask? (Probably not, actually).<br> Well, I've just returned from a week in Corfu - Paleokastritsa to be precise. It was a very scenic, green place and the thunderstorms we witnessed on our last night (Friday) went along way to explaining the lush hue.<br> Giant wasps demonstrated to me why it is never a good idea to murder innocent animals. I killed two on our balcony and was viciously attacked by a relative of theirs. The sting on my neck caused a night of discomfort, made worse by the fact that I tried to kill my assailant by striking my neck with a wooden spatula.<br> Oh yes, and I'm writing a children's book! I've got fourteen thousand words down which puts me about half way by my reckoning.<br> Here's me signing off with yet another promise (probably empty) to write here regularly. Although we do have a lot of muffins in the freezer. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/10/04/a-very-lazy-boy-7097364/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>travelartliteratureentertainmentlifewaspleisurecorfuhttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/10/04/a-very-lazy-boy-7097364/#commentshttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/08/03/road-wars-6644764/tag:robinhutton.blog.co.uk,2009-08-03:/2009/08/03/road-wars-6644764/Mon, 03 Aug 2009 20:00:33 +0200 <p>My brother in law came up with this idea and it gets more and more tempting with every ride.<br> When stupid, ignorant motorists drive so close to you on your bicycle that you have to correct for turbulence, or when they pull out on you or cut you up on roundabouts, or when (and this really has happened to me) they throw their empty fish and chip wrappers at you, a bag of ball bearings tactically positioned within easy reaching distance - for example on the handlebars - would enable the infuriated cyclist to make a lovely job of the body work of any passing vehicle.<br> I swear one day I will do this, so give me some room or it will cost you - bastards! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/08/03/road-wars-6644764/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>leisurefoodentertainmentcarscyclingsportshttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/08/03/road-wars-6644764/#commentshttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/07/26/now-6592446/tag:robinhutton.blog.co.uk,2009-07-26:/2009/07/26/now-6592446/Sun, 26 Jul 2009 17:55:17 +0200 <p>Well it's my birthday again and I'd like to thank everybody who sent their best wishes.<br> I'm now 32 and looking forward to twelve months of getting used to this age before it changes again.<br> I had plans to watch the final stage of the Tour de France live today but, alas, late nights at weddings can cause havoc with your plans.<br> Instead I have been looking at photographs of last night's joviality on Facebook. It always amuses me how quickly people seem to rush to download their snaps onto the 'trivia portal' as I like to think of it. Sometimes it seems to be a race to get the documented evidence of varying states of inebriation onto a worldwide stage.<br> I've never been one for celebrating my birthday in any great style. The closest I ever got to it was sinking shots of Vodka with a friend a few years ago and I ended up sleeping in a field.<br> So today - as I'm now teetotal - I'm about to boil up another kettle and watch the Mount Ventoux stage that I taped from yesterday and catch the finale at seven on ITV4.<br> To quote a famous Geordie television series: 'That's living alright!' </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/07/26/now-6592446/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>vodkabirthdaysportsfacebookweddingtour-de-francehttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/07/26/now-6592446/#commentshttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/06/26/michael-jackson-and-lady-diana-6400214/tag:robinhutton.blog.co.uk,2009-06-26:/2009/06/26/michael-jackson-and-lady-diana-6400214/Fri, 26 Jun 2009 21:37:11 +0200 <p>I'm not a big believer in mourning somebody that I've never met.<br> It is clear that millions of Michael Jackson fans are of the opinion that you can know someone through the media to such an extent that their death causes untold grief, but I think there may be a hint of the pressures and emotions of everyday life being chanelled into an unexpected event, which the brain perceives as an opportunity to offload stress in a socially acceptable way. I don't know whether I read that somewhere or whether I just made it up. Any social scientists or psychologists reading this? Feel free to tell me that I'm talking out of my arse.<br> I've heard more than one person comparing this to the death of Lady Diana. The only similarity is that it has resulted in massive public reaction.<br> Although I've sat in front of the television like everybody else and shouted 'freak!' at the sight of Wako's hideously mangled nose, I have to concede that the man was talented. I'm not really a fan of pop music, but his songs sent tingles up my spine; electric is the only way to describe it.<br> As for Lady Diana? She shook hands with a few land mine victims and cuddled some kids with HIV. Other than that she spent her life running around trying to get laid. Big deal.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/06/26/michael-jackson-and-lady-diana-6400214/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>newsmusicmichael-jacksonlady-dianasocial-sciencehttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/06/26/michael-jackson-and-lady-diana-6400214/#commentshttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/06/23/two-wheels-good-6373377/tag:robinhutton.blog.co.uk,2009-06-23:/2009/06/23/two-wheels-good-6373377/Tue, 23 Jun 2009 20:38:36 +0200 <p>I've not really written about cycling since I started this blog, but it forms a huge part of my life.<br> It started in childhood - I think I must have been about seven when I got my first bike and to be honest, I didn't really struggle learning to ride it. I think I was okay after about a day spent falling off at a caravan site we were staying on somewhere in the Scottish borders. No stabilisers for this kid!<br> That developed into better bikes (a Raleigh Grifter!! with slip gear!) and my first mountain bike was a Raleigh Montage - a lime green affair with twenty one gears, if my memory serves me correctly. It was bought for me by my parents after getting good grades in my first ever high school exams.<br> My friends and I used to ride the disused Consett to Sunderland railway line, once we even picked up another track at Consett and ended up in Gateshead! A long way back in those days.<br> Any sporting pursuit can suffer when alcohol and women arrive on the scene, but thankfully I reclaimed it (cycling) as a life long friend a few years ago, this time to overcome some pretty rough times and keep my energy up.<br> Now I ride a Merida Sub-60 hard tail when I want to leave the roads behind and a Specialized Allez when I don't.<br> I will always be a cyclist - may even pop my clogs on one if I manage to ride for as long as I hope to. What a thought! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/06/23/two-wheels-good-6373377/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>road-bikemountain-bikemeridasportraleighcyclinghttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/06/23/two-wheels-good-6373377/#commentshttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/06/18/martin-mcguinness-what-a-card-6336921/tag:robinhutton.blog.co.uk,2009-06-18:/2009/06/18/martin-mcguinness-what-a-card-6336921/Thu, 18 Jun 2009 20:59:40 +0200 <p>Did anybody else find Martin Mcguinness' comments on the anti-Rumanian violence in Northern Ireland laughably hypocritical?<br> For those of you that weren't party to his comments on the subject, he said that he'd recently been holding a five month old Rumanian baby and while doing so 'worried deeply about the humanity of these people.'<br> What?! Martin Mcguinness is concerned about humanity! I feel it should be pointed out to the bigoted bastard that no Rumanian's (to my knowledge) have been killed, whereas the history books are full to the brim of God knows how many women and children rendered limbless and lifeless by the sectarian bombings of recent decades. Those very bombings that Mcguinness (despite his best claims) was clearly party to and of which he wholheartedly approved.<br> Humanity, really Mr Mcguinness? Wipe the blood off your hands. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/06/18/martin-mcguinness-what-a-card-6336921/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>racistbigotmartin-mcguinnesspoliticsnorthern-irelandrumaniansectarianhttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/06/18/martin-mcguinness-what-a-card-6336921/#commentshttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/06/16/the-introduction-of-annoying-phrases-6319041/tag:robinhutton.blog.co.uk,2009-06-16:/2009/06/16/the-introduction-of-annoying-phrases-6319041/Tue, 16 Jun 2009 20:35:23 +0200 <p>I have been conducting my own research on this one. Management speak, otherwise known as complete bollocks, can be traced.<br> That's right. If you listen to any supposedly 'high brow' radio or television broadcast (Sunday mornings are particularly useful), you will begin to pick up phrases which are being used by journalists, politicians and television presenters. These phrases - like 'comfort zone' - filter down to the lower intellectual echelons of television and radio (for instance Chris Moyles, who, although an undoubtedly entertaining man, is hardly food for thought, other than in that 'haven't-quite-woken-up-yet-so-need something-easy-to-digest-in-order-to-warm-my-brain-up-ready-for-the-day-ahead' sort of a way.<br> You also start to hear the phrase on game shows and sport programmes.<br> I followed the phrase through these bland channels of communication and was rather amused to hear it spewing from the lips of the directors at work, even to the point where the phrase has now become the subject of ridicule among disgruntled middle management.<br> So next time you hear a phrase being spun by some guest on the Andrew Marr show - keep your ears open and soon it will be everywhere. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/06/16/the-introduction-of-annoying-phrases-6319041/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tvchris-moylesradioandrew-marrpoliticsliteratureeconomycomedymanagement-speaklinguisticshttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/06/16/the-introduction-of-annoying-phrases-6319041/#commentshttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/06/15/brain-work-leisure-health-sport-olymipcs-holiday-6311258/tag:robinhutton.blog.co.uk,2009-06-15:/2009/06/15/brain-work-leisure-health-sport-olymipcs-holiday-6311258/Mon, 15 Jun 2009 21:06:10 +0200 <p>I think I'm starting to get control of that stubborn part of my brain that used to launch me into black depression the night before I'm due back to work after two weeks holiday.<br> Now, rather than feeling like curling into a ball and dying on the Sunday evening, I quietly sit and reflect on the wasted hours of my precious life spent pleasing people I don't particularly care about, while keeping one eye dutifully on the endless Top Gear repeats on Dave.<br> The upshot of it all is that I should really start playing the lottery...<br> (More chance of winning an olympic gold medal...I wonder when they'll make being pissed off an event?) </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/06/15/brain-work-leisure-health-sport-olymipcs-holiday-6311258/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>brainholidayolymipcssportworkhealthtop-gearleisurehttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/06/15/brain-work-leisure-health-sport-olymipcs-holiday-6311258/#commentshttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/06/14/the-big-question-6302088/tag:robinhutton.blog.co.uk,2009-06-14:/2009/06/14/the-big-question-6302088/Sun, 14 Jun 2009 18:41:50 +0200 <p>I sat through an entire episode of Nicky Campbell's 'The Big Question' this morning. The big question that this caused me to ask myself, my wife and now you, is how did this cretin ever become so firmly embedded in our national television?<br> He was debating, among other (less interesting) things, whether or not the BNP have a right to be heard. Firstly, what a thoroughly ridiculous question. Of course they have a right to be heard. They are (whatever their fundamental beliefs and goals) a political party and they now have MEP's in their armoury.<br> It is my understanding that the presenter of such debate shows (e.g. David Dimbleby) can only be effective if they remain impartial to whatever viewpoints are being discussed. Dimbleby does this with ease and still manages to impart his own humorous introspections into the proceedings.<br> It is laughable, therefore, to watch Campbell's lame attempts at facilitating discussion in a meaningful manner, when he seems to take such great glee in stamping his own point of view on everything. What is he hoping to achieve? To show us all that he is not racist? The two members of the BNP were cut short, berated and belittled and basically shouted down by a lot of people who, one assumes, believe themselves to be intelligent enough to have something worth saying.<br> And don't get me started on Watchdog. Yes, Nicky, the big guy must always be wrong. Let's not forget how high a proportion of the British public are complete morons. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/06/14/the-big-question-6302088/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>nicky-campbellbnptvwatchdogdavid-dimblebythe-big-questionhttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/06/14/the-big-question-6302088/#commentshttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/06/14/to-france-and-back-6300472/tag:robinhutton.blog.co.uk,2009-06-14:/2009/06/14/to-france-and-back-6300472/Sun, 14 Jun 2009 12:50:58 +0200 <p>I've never been anywhere in France besides Paris, at least not until my recent jaunt to the Loire Valley.<br> Having had visions of setting up easel and eating French bread and cheese amidst relative peace and serenity, I was somewhat perturbed at the intensity of French drivers. I'm not exactly wet behind the ears when it comes to negotiating busy roads and have had my fair share of run-ins with insane Brits who regard themselves as some sort of road Gods, but France puzzles me. The roads are largely clear - congestion seeming to be the curse of the somewhat smaller island nation, and on the whole the traffic flows smoothly and lane discipline (the lack of which gets my goat in Blighty) is rather slick. The trouble with French drivers, in my humble opinion, is the constant tailgating while you are trying to overtake. The speed limit on their motorways is a quite reasonable 130kmh in the dry (about 80 mph) but overtake somebody and there will undoubtedly be some nut who hangs about a centimetre off your rear bumper as if to say, 'How dare you be overtaking when I clearly wish to do so at a far more rapid (and illegal) pace?'<br> A minor grumble, really. Nice scenery (although nothing I haven't seen topped in the UK)and fantastic food, as is to be expected. Finding somwhere that keeps regular opening hours, however, is a trick and a half, even in the city. They seem to close when they feel like it - which is great for them, but not so great for two starving Brits who have just travelled for six hours and think - 'we'll find something to eat round here!'</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/06/14/to-france-and-back-6300472/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>foodtraveltransportfrancehttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/06/14/to-france-and-back-6300472/#commentshttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/04/16/we-re-back-in-business-5956454/tag:robinhutton.blog.co.uk,2009-04-16:/2009/04/16/we-re-back-in-business-5956454/Thu, 16 Apr 2009 20:45:45 +0200 <p>I thought my days on this blog site were numbered, but after much technical beavering and some ingenious ideas put to me by my ever resourceful dad, I can start writing again.<br> The writing process is going slowly at the moment and rejections are still rather too frequent. I'm of the opinion, however, that work not sold is work improved. It's amazing how positive the brain can be when you want it to be. Those thoughts of giving up the game and taking up painting or something are not long held, thankfully, and no matter how many editors give it the old "thanks but no thanks," I'll get there in the end.<br> A quick note to anybody who has ever written a letter to the editor of 'The Times'. They don't tell you if they are going to publish whatever words of wisdom you've bothered to e-mail to them. Bare this in mind or you may realise you made it into print - as in my sorry case - a mere three years after the event.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/04/16/we-re-back-in-business-5956454/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/04/16/we-re-back-in-business-5956454/#commentshttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/03/01/the-chaotic-disruption-of-computer-problems-5671806/tag:robinhutton.blog.co.uk,2009-03-01:/2009/03/01/the-chaotic-disruption-of-computer-problems-5671806/Sun, 01 Mar 2009 14:26:41 +0100 <p>My computer is broken. Silly machine. If I, for instance, try to preview this blog it will shut down internet explorer and I will be faced with my stonehenge desktop.<br> When all else fails I suppose an e-mail to Microsoft is the only solution.<br> I'm off to Norwich, anyway. Might see Alan Partridge. Might not.<br> If my computer stays functional for long enough I'll tell you about it. If not I won't. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/03/01/the-chaotic-disruption-of-computer-problems-5671806/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>norwich-computers-alan-partridge-stonehengehttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/03/01/the-chaotic-disruption-of-computer-problems-5671806/#commentshttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/02/02/it-s-snowing-and-we-re-all-going-to-die-5494853/tag:robinhutton.blog.co.uk,2009-02-02:/2009/02/02/it-s-snowing-and-we-re-all-going-to-die-5494853/Mon, 02 Feb 2009 21:13:36 +0100 <p>Change up into second gear sooner than you normally would.<br> Use your gears to brake rather than stomping on the foot pedal.<br> Learn to use opposite lock.<br> Steer into the skid not away from it.<br> Try not to overreact and travel at five miles per hour because there`s a few inches of snow on the road.</p> <p>I don't know how on earth we won the war, I really don't.<br> Oh, and one other thing. Try not to read newspapers that have these sort of headlines:</p> <p>BRITAIN BLITZED BY MODERN DAY ICE AGE. EXPECT DEATH.</p> <p>They do nothing for your sense of perspective and to be quite honest show you in a rather bad light: as a moron who spends money on sensationalist bollocks. Don't you realise that the editors of such newspapers are retards on work experience?<br> If you really want to look at breasts while you`re having your tea break then why not print a load off the internet? </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/02/02/it-s-snowing-and-we-re-all-going-to-die-5494853/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/02/02/it-s-snowing-and-we-re-all-going-to-die-5494853/#commentshttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/01/27/credit-brunch-5459475/tag:robinhutton.blog.co.uk,2009-01-27:/2009/01/27/credit-brunch-5459475/Tue, 27 Jan 2009 20:41:22 +0100 <p>As I sit devouring my elevenses (Scotch Egg), Radio 4 informs me that - economically speaking - we are all in the shit. They`re right.<br> It is several weeks since Woolworths bowed out of the retail game and the implications of this have yet to fully sink in. Pick n' Mix isn't cheap at the best of times and now we are forced to make thrifty decisions in pursuit of our mini eggs and strawberry bootlaces.<br> Buying our Pick n' Mix at the cinema is out of the question, unless we are prepared to sink into crippling debt. Prices at service stations are little less (not to mention the intellectually challenged mutants who make up the staff in such places).<br> So our last option appears to be buying industrial jars of cola cubes and midget gems from Macro or other such wholesale outlets. Unfortunately this always involves inventing a fake business and printing off those crap cards from railway stations so we are convincing in our role as Managing Director of a large chain of sweetshops. Things are indeed looking unhealthy.<br> Corus has just announced redundancies. If they go under, the Pick n' Mix fiasco will be dwarfed in comparison to the difficulties I will experience trying to buy structural steel. Worrying times ahead, I assure you.<br> Our friends over the pond are struggling, too. Despite the recent inauguration of their new president and all of the optimism he's inspired, it seems that Guantanamo Bay is set to close. I don't know how many branches they have but the economic knock on effects are potentially huge: halal snack manufacturers and the designers and outlets for those white cotton overalls spring instantly to mind. So too the men on the gate who get paid to shoot curious Cubans.<br> That Scotch Egg was splendid, though, so balls to it. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/01/27/credit-brunch-5459475/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>economy-business-credit-crunch-woolworthshttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/01/27/credit-brunch-5459475/#commentshttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/01/07/january-suicides-and-money-5339069/tag:robinhutton.blog.co.uk,2009-01-07:/2009/01/07/january-suicides-and-money-5339069/Wed, 07 Jan 2009 19:50:46 +0100 <p>A couple of days ago someone jumped off a bridge onto the M62 near Bradford and was hit by a lorry. Needless to say they did not live to regail their mates with the details.<br> This reminded me as I drove in the opposite direction(towards Hull, but fortunately not that far) that January is supposed to be one hell of a month for suicides. I have heard several differing explanations for this - Christmas debt being one, back to work being another, the after-effects of too much alcohol over the festive period (alcohol being a depressive) and finally the end of a period when everybody, at least tries, to be happy.<br> I managed to put suicide as a general topic of thought out of my mind until this morning when I heard of the German multi-millionaire businessman who lost his fortune by gambling on the financial performance of Volkswagen. He stepped under a train to end it all when his gamble went terribly wrong. The bloke was seventy four! I cannot get my head around the fact that a man of that age would stake his already sizeable fortune in such a reckless way, when he is clearly well off enough to go on as many luxury world cruises and run as many MG`s as he could ever wish for.<br> Is suicide due to financial strain logical? Is suicide ever logical? Of course not, but having been inside old people`s homes and listened to the demented ramblings of the tennents and gagged on the foul stench of stale urine, maybe the broken German millionaire had given it some serious thought. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/01/07/january-suicides-and-money-5339069/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/01/07/january-suicides-and-money-5339069/#commentshttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/01/04/county-clowncil-5321917/tag:robinhutton.blog.co.uk,2009-01-04:/2009/01/04/county-clowncil-5321917/Sun, 04 Jan 2009 19:42:13 +0100 <p>I pay a lot of council tax. I'm not prepared to enclose the exact figure lest you form some sort of judgement of me based on my income, but it is of sufficient detail to say a lot.<br> I also (albeit more due to the conscience of my wife rather than my own sense of right and wrong)regularly recycle, as I am sure that many of you do. It took months of being cajoled to unpick my decidedly un-green habits and for me to put plastic, cardboard and packaging in the right bin.<br> Bearing all of this in mind, I find my conservatory is currently swamped with empty milk bottles, cereal boxes and TV guides because the lousy council haven`t bothered to come and empty our green bin. I am pissed off. I don`t think the streets are particularly clean and I don`t derive much benefit from street lighting. The least they can do with my tax pounds is make it easier for us to do what everybody (including the council) tries to insist we must do and recycle everything.<br> Oh, and one more thing. If the cretins who do, from time to time, empty our bins would mind leaving it out of the way so I can get my car off the drive, that would be fantastic. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/01/04/county-clowncil-5321917/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>environment-council-politics-government-tvhttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2009/01/04/county-clowncil-5321917/#commentshttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/12/24/paranoia-or-good-business-sense-5272007/tag:robinhutton.blog.co.uk,2008-12-24:/2008/12/24/paranoia-or-good-business-sense-5272007/Wed, 24 Dec 2008 18:33:04 +0100 <p>I registered the outline of my novel today on one of those intellectual property sites. It cost me twenty five quid for four years, which I don`t feel is too bad.<br> I would like to hear from any of you who have particular experience, or even just thoughts, on copyright - how seriously should we (writers) take it and does it really protect us, either at the idea stage or when the completed manuscript is awaiting its journey to agents or publishers?<br> Other than that I would like to wish everybody well and urge you all to make at least one bet over the Christmas period - it`s extremely liberating. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/12/24/paranoia-or-good-business-sense-5272007/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>novelcopyrightintellectual-propertygamblingwriterchristmashttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/12/24/paranoia-or-good-business-sense-5272007/#commentshttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/12/16/the-tricky-first-novel-and-english-tea-5232839/tag:robinhutton.blog.co.uk,2008-12-16:/2008/12/16/the-tricky-first-novel-and-english-tea-5232839/Tue, 16 Dec 2008 21:28:26 +0100 <p>After much deliberation and with more optimism in my heart than terror, I am currently working on my first novel. When the joy goes out of doing something (writing short stories) it is time to spread the proverbial wings and make a change (that sounds Michael Jacksonesque - not sure that`s a good thing).<br> For a writer with ambition, I suppose, this was always destined to happen. I am a little surprised that it has happened so soon, as I`ve thought to myself on many occasions, whilst slaving away at the second or third draft of a short story, how colossal an undertaking a novel would be. Well here we are...<br> If any of you writers out there have any words of encouragement - or otherwise - please pass them on. This blog is soon to be my only relief from the 100,000 words currenly brewing under the surface like a nice cup of English tea... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/12/16/the-tricky-first-novel-and-english-tea-5232839/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>short-storiespublishingnovelwritermichael-jacksonteahttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/12/16/the-tricky-first-novel-and-english-tea-5232839/#commentshttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/11/18/the-great-publishing-drought-may-08-to-present-day-5059982/tag:robinhutton.blog.co.uk,2008-11-18:/2008/11/18/the-great-publishing-drought-may-08-to-present-day-5059982/Tue, 18 Nov 2008 21:50:56 +0100 <p>I couldn`t open my inbox back in May without a message from a keen (and always welcome) editor popping onto the screen. God, it seems like such a long time ago.<br> This drought, I`m hoping, will soon end. I still have high hopes that I`ll get my `Identical Identification` serial published and there are a few other sizzlers for which I`m patiently awaiting a response.<br> I`m off to Berlin on Friday. I was pretty chuffed when I heard that Radio 4 were running programmes on the famous city every day this week at half past three. To be honest, I`d hoped for more. The item today was a piece of over dramatic writing about - from what I could gather - a slut and an avant-garde artist. I`m sure that the prose was swamped with deep meaning and literary subtlety, but the truth is that it bored the shit out of me.<br> I did, however, hear about a book called `Truant: Tales of the Road of Excess` by Horatio Clare - good old Radio 4!<br> So anyway, despite my best intentions and my tall promises to myself to write this blog far more regularly, this will probably be me until mid-next week. I`ll be busy eating sausages and marvelling at the wonderous and rare sight of a clean and efficient railway system. Who knows, I may even draw some much needed inspiration and come back overflowing with fictional zeal. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/11/18/the-great-publishing-drought-may-08-to-present-day-5059982/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>horatio-clareavant-garderadio-4writingberlininboxrailwayhttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/11/18/the-great-publishing-drought-may-08-to-present-day-5059982/#commentshttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/11/04/bbc-islam-4984676/tag:robinhutton.blog.co.uk,2008-11-04:/2008/11/04/bbc-islam-4984676/Tue, 04 Nov 2008 21:34:55 +0100 <p>Couldn`t you just have predicted it a cotton pickin' mile off? Within weeks of the now tediously over-covered 'shock horror' episode where Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross played what amounted to a school boy prank on the waiter from 'Fawlty Towers' (so sick of hearing his real name in the press I refuse to write it again); the BBC has ensured that it will not be open to further criticism, by denouncing Jeremy Clarkson for making a joke directed at lorry drivers and prostitutes (which I may add I found incredibly amusing).<br> What I would like to know, is where this is all heading. Take Top Gear for instance; apparently the comedy/motoring show resulted in just under two hundred complaints after Clarkson's pop at whore killing truckers. I can think back to many episode`s where political correctness was simply ignored - the result? Ball bouncingly funny television. And let`s face it - it is a shameful minority who seem to have bypassed a healthy sense of humour in favour of some pathetic moral high ground.<br> I do not hesitate in my choice of title for this blog - BBC Islam -because I fervently believe that unless we hold on tight to our traditional sense of lude, sarcastic, morally suspect humour, we will be that step closer to stoning the young for sexual misadventure or threatening political cartoonists with death by nasty beards (pick the irony out of that one).<br> And as for those few hundred complainants, I would like to offer some apposite words of advice: shut the fuck up. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/11/04/bbc-islam-4984676/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/11/04/bbc-islam-4984676/#commentshttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/10/16/life-after-wedding-4882899/tag:robinhutton.blog.co.uk,2008-10-16:/2008/10/16/life-after-wedding-4882899/Thu, 16 Oct 2008 20:54:18 +0200 <p>If I maintain that never is a single twenty four hours more flagrantly over prepared for than those of the wedding day, I dare say that most will appreciate my sentiments.<br> John Lennon said "life is what happens to you while you`re busy making other plans" (Beautiful Boy) and he was right.<br> So while my writing was on hold (fiction as well as blog (should there be a difference?)) my mind was forced to grapple with eager relatives, speeches and excessive alcohol consumption.<br> Amidst the forgotten undergarments, the mission to retrieve said garments and the shaving injury which threatened to swamp my previously pristine white shirt with blood (a nightmare which ended with the acquisition of Tip-ex), there remains the voice which seems to survive all manner of distractions: `write...keep writing.`<br> So now we`re away again. Happy days indeed. Contact from an editor would be nice...pushing my luck. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/10/16/life-after-wedding-4882899/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/10/16/life-after-wedding-4882899/#commentshttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/09/22/smack-heads-and-bad-housekeeping-4764697/tag:robinhutton.blog.co.uk,2008-09-22:/2008/09/22/smack-heads-and-bad-housekeeping-4764697/Mon, 22 Sep 2008 21:19:58 +0200 <p>Far be it from me to knock a man (or indeed woman) who is battling a horrible addiction - but this made me piss steam.<br> I was walking up Northumberland Street in the great city that is Newcastle-Upon-Tyne and I was overcome by an emergency toilet situation. You`ve been there - the world will end unless this need is satisfied and if it wasn`t for our strict laws on public decency you would be doing it up against the nearest wall.<br> So what is a man to do when faced with such an overwhelming dilemma? Answer: find a Mcdonald`s. They`re everywhere and they`re clean and unlikely to result in a man in leather trousers forcing your telephone number out of you. Aren`t they? No, because the one I chose (or rather the only one that was in full working order) had in fact been soiled by an intravenous drug user. There was dried blood up the walls, a belt hanging from a coat hook on the inside of the door which may as well have had a sign saying `tourniquet` on it, and a used needle considerately hidden under a pile of toilet paper so that your chances of being spiked were maximised.<br> Now I like to think of myself as a rational man with an innate ability to reason and to consider things from different angles. The truth is, however, that if I had been able to confront the piece of shit that had left the toilet in that state, I would have (quite without regret and accompanied by nothing but satisfaction) taken the tourniquet and used it to whip imaginary dust off his eye lashes - this merely being a precursor to the serious business of using his head as a scabbler before despatching him into a metal-compactor.<br> Now that my anger has diminished somewhat, consider this:</p> <p>A mother is proud of her young son`s new found independence which he can now demonstrate by visiting the toilet (public or otherwise) without her help. They finish up their Big Mac meal and the boy is asked if he would like to go `pee pee` before they leave. The mother sends her son into the lavatory and is there to greet him as he sucks on the needlestick injury he has just sustained while completing his hard won toilet training. It is anyone`s guess as to whether he has contracted a nasty, potentially life threatening virus.</p> <p>Now I`m sorry, but where do human rights fit into this little scenario?<br> On second thoughts, in the interests of my own sanity, please do not answer that question. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/09/22/smack-heads-and-bad-housekeeping-4764697/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>economy-health-politics-shoppinghttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/09/22/smack-heads-and-bad-housekeeping-4764697/#commentshttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/09/12/the-never-ending-journey-4719244/tag:robinhutton.blog.co.uk,2008-09-12:/2008/09/12/the-never-ending-journey-4719244/Fri, 12 Sep 2008 18:43:10 +0200 <p>My writing seems like a chore at the moment. I appreciate that these times do arise and that the secret is to carry on regardless - but God, it can be a lonely pursuit!<br> I have the greatest of respect for any writer who manages to make a living solely from writing. The odds are stacked more highly against it than against Newcastle United being the envy of the Premier League.<br> But as I have alluded to in the past, the secret is to write for enjoyment and not for personal gain (at least in monetary or fame terms). This does, however, pose a severely testing question: when I feel like I do at the moment and don`t feel like writing, why does my brain urge me to continue? If I was writing purely for pleasure wouldn`t I just wait until I felt like it?<br> The subconscious mind is a strange entity. If I were ever to figure it out, I would probably spend my life sitting on a rock in a state of perpetual bliss. Unfortunately it likes to run its own course - bloody thing! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/09/12/the-never-ending-journey-4719244/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/09/12/the-never-ending-journey-4719244/#commentshttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/09/04/a-world-descending-into-sheer-madness-or-at-least-a-football-club-4682987/tag:robinhutton.blog.co.uk,2008-09-04:/2008/09/04/a-world-descending-into-sheer-madness-or-at-least-a-football-club-4682987/Thu, 04 Sep 2008 21:10:59 +0200 <p>This is horrendous. To give an suitable analogy would be akin to commiting textual blasphemy - so I`ll cut straight to the chase.<br> Newcastle United are in turmoil again and this time it won`t be easily fixed. If Mike Ashley thinks for a second that the fans of the city, which he clearly misunderstands, are going to forgive and forget and that there won`t be severe ructions, then he is as naive as he is greedy and portly.<br> As I understand it (and this is despite the steady stream of complete bollocks which has been beamed direct from Sky News over the last few days), Keegan has tried to come to some amicable and functional arrangement regarding his lack of control over the purchase and sale of players, only to be greeted with stubborn inflexibility by Ashley. The point that the wobble-stomached-sports-shop-keeper has failed to consider - or is so arrogant as to simply not care - is that in the eyes of the Newcastle fans, this is akin to siding with Dennis Wise while King Kev heads for the exit. This is bad bad news for the club.<br> I am in contact with a number of avid fans who have been frequenting this great club for many years and to say that the mood is one of rage is like calling the holocaust a nasty business. The future - as ever - is far from certain, but if I could give Mike Ashley one piece of advice, it would be to stay away from St James` Park for a while. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/09/04/a-world-descending-into-sheer-madness-or-at-least-a-football-club-4682987/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/09/04/a-world-descending-into-sheer-madness-or-at-least-a-football-club-4682987/#commentshttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/08/29/writers-block-4655362/tag:robinhutton.blog.co.uk,2008-08-29:/2008/08/29/writers-block-4655362/Fri, 29 Aug 2008 20:58:05 +0200 <p>I`m going through a lean spell at the moment - that cannot be denied. Whether this is down to the dreaded `writers` block` or whether I just can`t be arsed at the moment is open to mind numbing debate.<br> `Bird Brain` has fluttered to an almighty stop. I`m liking the sinister undertones and the sense of mystery but as for taking it forward - who knows?<br> There are a plethora of apt phrases employed by writers to emphasise the importance of slugging away - even when the fancy doesn`t take you. Roald Dahl`s `keeping your bum on the seat` seems particularly relevant to my own feelings on this matter.<br> I can say for certain that this game would be a lot easier were it not for full time work. I suppose that is the great trick: to carry on in spite of the ever present exhaustion! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/08/29/writers-block-4655362/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/08/29/writers-block-4655362/#commentshttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/08/21/the-quickest-rejection-in-literary-history-4619005/tag:robinhutton.blog.co.uk,2008-08-21:/2008/08/21/the-quickest-rejection-in-literary-history-4619005/Thu, 21 Aug 2008 17:54:54 +0200 <p>It was a mere 48 hours from me hitting `send` on my e-mail to a response bouncing back from an editor who just didn`t want to know.<br> Not only did the editor in question liken my story to a well known film, but also suggested that it needed a polish (with which I fervently disagree, by the way).<br> So how did this make me feel? Bloody marvellous! Rather than waiting around until I draw my pension, only to receive a meagre sentence telling me that they`re not interested, I got comments! In 48 hours! This is what writing does to you. I am celebrating the most insignificant details because, as a writer who will not give up...ever, this is all I have.<br> If you would like to read the stories that have made it through the keep-net of publishing brutality, please visit <a href="http://www.robinhutton.net/">http://www.robinhutton.net/</a></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/08/21/the-quickest-rejection-in-literary-history-4619005/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/08/21/the-quickest-rejection-in-literary-history-4619005/#commentshttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/08/17/the-strangers-in-the-woods-4600735/tag:robinhutton.blog.co.uk,2008-08-17:/2008/08/17/the-strangers-in-the-woods-4600735/Sun, 17 Aug 2008 18:32:38 +0200 <p>He was there again - the bloke (I keep wanting to say kid, but he`s twenty five) with the shovel. I headed for the woods with a clear purpose - to find that underground railway tunnel entrance - and what I discovered instead was nothing more than the extent of this bloke`s obsession with his `skate park.`<br> This set me thinking: what was I doing when I was twenty five? Not that I entertain the notion that there is such a thing as normal behaviour, but I`m sure that I was pretty much going to work, maybe doing a bit of exercise, reading books, watching football, etc. etc.<br> Now, perhaps it is me who has got it all wrong. Perhaps this bloke with his gang of mates is enjoying a life that I could not comprehend by spending such a long time digging clay and earth, forming ramps, and generally engaging in back breaking toil so that they have something to call their own which they can blast around on a B.M.X.<br> But really, think about it. I have it on fairly good authority that this hundred metre long, labour intensive creation gets smashed to bits by kids on motorbikes on a fairly regular basis. I also have it on good authority that the bloke and his mates simply rebuild it - time and time again.<br> At first I felt a strange mixture of respect and pity at their plight. Now? I`m finding the whole thing a bit creepy, to be honest. Remember, they`ve been `painting the Forth Road Bridge` in effect for ten long years - since they were fifteen!<br> If anyone has ever encountered this level of obsession and wants to put me in my place feel free. God damn weirdos! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/08/17/the-strangers-in-the-woods-4600735/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/08/17/the-strangers-in-the-woods-4600735/#commentshttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/08/15/another-story-hits-the-editors-inbox-4594063/tag:robinhutton.blog.co.uk,2008-08-15:/2008/08/15/another-story-hits-the-editors-inbox-4594063/Fri, 15 Aug 2008 21:33:51 +0200 <p>`Alarming Prescience` was finished last night and submitted to another editor on whom a little slice of my hopes now lie.<br> It really is the most delicate, slow, utterly fantastic process.<br> The idea for Alarming Prescience is based on a germ of truth from the past. This happens with comforting regularity - after all, when you reach the tender age of thirty one, you`ve seen a bit, experienced a bit and if you can`t find stories from the stumbling tempo of your own journey to right now, then you`ll struggle.<br> The creative juices did squirt after a flourish of grammatical polishing and the intriguing entity that is `Bird Brain` was born, partly out of an unwillingness to go to bed.<br> Far be it from me to even hint at the plot of this avian horror tale. Keep an eye out above. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/08/15/another-story-hits-the-editors-inbox-4594063/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>fiction-writing-editors-birds-agehttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/08/15/another-story-hits-the-editors-inbox-4594063/#commentshttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/08/13/precipitation-and-confuse-com-4584930/tag:robinhutton.blog.co.uk,2008-08-13:/2008/08/13/precipitation-and-confuse-com-4584930/Wed, 13 Aug 2008 20:55:51 +0200 <p>When will it stop pissing down?<br> Seriously this isn`t rhetorical. When? Please, tell me!<br> I left Boldon amidst incessant drizzle. I headed south on the A19 through miserable spray and aquaplaning people carriers (the idiots should drive something they can handle - like a tricycle).<br> This misery invoking rock held the promise of clear skies to the south - or at least my nearest and dearest confirmed this to be the case as I joined the M1 and crept towards Leeds.<br> So imagine my annoyance as I prepare for a blast on the old mountain bike and...it starts pissing down.<br> I did discover a lone worker in a patch of woodland which I didn`t even know existed. He was wielding a spade and working on his `skate park`. There was something inside me which felt a little sad when he revealed to me that he had in fact been working on his mounds of clay and earth for the past ten years...beats terrestrial television I suppose.<br> And if anybody can watch the adverts for confused.com, which are currently gracing our sets, without feeling irritated and baffled and wanting to extract the actors from the screen and shove broken glass down their throats, please pipe up - I have a feeling you are of an unstable mental persuasion. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/08/13/precipitation-and-confuse-com-4584930/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/08/13/precipitation-and-confuse-com-4584930/#commentshttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/08/10/the-write-approach-if-you-ask-me-4566588/tag:robinhutton.blog.co.uk,2008-08-10:/2008/08/10/the-write-approach-if-you-ask-me-4566588/Sun, 10 Aug 2008 12:59:30 +0200 <p>It took a ridiculously short period of time before the subject of writing careers, rejections and the concept of that `big break` appeared on my flat screen monitor in this community of bloggers.<br> So, for the record, and in the hope that some fellow writer may gleen valuable positivity, I would like to state my views on the elusive dreams that seem to obsess so many and more often than not jam up the creative machine.<br> The question of why we write is the single most important we will ever answer. Consider the professional cyclist. If the reason they first ever mounted a bicycle was to don the yellow jersey of the Tour de France, what sort of an existence would they have endured through the years of training, conditioning and the general ups and downs of professional sporting life?<br> Cyclists cycle, primarily, because they love cycling! They love the feeling of the air on their face, of the world smoothly unfolding as they travel silently on their machines. If this love was not there, why would they suffer for a goal that they may never achieve?<br> If your thoughts are plagued by the publishing contract, the six figure advance, the reviews and the book signings, then I suggest that you won`t possess the steam to see it through to this highly unlikely conclusion. Nobody ever got there quickly - most never got there. To obsessively yearn for these things is to bypass the very activity to which you must be dedicated - writing.<br> If you sit down with joy in your heart at the prospect of teasing those words from your keyboard, if you excavate your artistic depths for its very own sake, then how can you but succeed?<br> Write because your soul demands it. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/08/10/the-write-approach-if-you-ask-me-4566588/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>writing-art-publishing-publishedhttp://robinhutton.blog.co.uk/2008/08/10/the-write-approach-if-you-ask-me-4566588/#comments